There was a guy who used to be a great friend for me.
He always there whenever I needed him - He would be there on time whenever I missed him much; he would be there whenever I thought of him; he could be there whenever I needed his comfort……
He is caring, loving, considerate for people.
I still could remember how we knew each other at the beginning.
We met in a camp, which Ka Fun invited us to go, where I knew Jesus Christ for my very first time, where I knew there were many people out of my circle, where I knew there were many people who were Christians around me……
Of course I noticed him, he was the friend of my group leader, he was with a gang of guys who always sticked together, & he was the smallest size among them.
Well, I was not sure why I found him so special. Maybe because of he was notable among them?
I got his msn address for sure (include others also).
(Hmmm……) I got his mobile phone number when he requested me to deleted his ugliest photo on my friendster album. Certainly I did not delete it, because I started to find him interesting & I want to continue to disturb him. (Well, at last, I closed my friendster account because of facebook is much more interesting =P )
We were sms & chatting through msn often. & we had become good friend after that. We were getting very close till his gang of friend & his tutor started to suspect our relationship. & if there were any activities or camp, he had become the one who invited me.
I went to the SCMC youth camp for twice. I was getting close to Methodist Church youth & Support Group, teachers & pastor. I was starting to get to know Jesus Christ.
After a year we knew each other, he invited me to join youth of SCMC. It was the time when I decided to go church with Sam Chew. So, when service in HSG finished, I would be going to SCMC youth. I was joining 2 churches at the same time. I knew nothing about church that time so I did not bother anything.
For sure, our relationship was getting ambiguous, uncertain. Sometimes, I thought that we were closer than good friend, but there was a distance to become couple.
I got his news from Ka Fun every week. Ka Fun had become the sources & intermediary between both of us. Whenever I bought sweets or souvenir, I would ask her to give him. I would asked her to pass the recipe that I lent for him from my school library (he was working as chef in a cafe when I was form 5).
At first, I found he was an interesting friend, a toy for me to play.
We sms almost every night but did not talk much when we saw each other.
Day by day, I felt we were more than good friend.
On the second year after I met him, on the badminton finals of Olympic, I told him that I liked him on an impulse.
Well, at that moment, I did not think much about it. I was the type of girl who worked on impulse & thought later. Everything I did, basically, followed my feeling & sixth sense of women.
I was wondering why I said that to him. I was not on crush on him. Wasn't I?
He did not give me an answer for that immediately, no matter how I forced him. & he had avoided me for few months. We had stop sms for months.
Since after that, I did not mention it anymore except to Ka Fun & QIQi & few friends.
I felt Ken Chan & Shane & Mango had noticed it, since they were his best friends after all.
As time past, we were good friend again. Sometimes, I could make this matter as joke to test him.
He started to share with me his feelings & his daily lives.
He was getting more caring towards me.
I was joining Power Group after I finished SPM because I had so much free time.
We met each other every week.
We went for drinks after meeting finished, he would be sitting there & listened to his music or talked to Ah Wong.
That time, he had changed his job into mechanic for air conditioner.
On September, he told that he liked me.
Finally, I got answer after a year.
But, it was already too late.
Everything has changed.
I would not let myself hurt by same person again;
I would not let myself to fall in love with someone who even did not know how to keep his promises;
I would not let myself to be together with a person who even did not know how to communicate with me by mouth;
I would not be together with a person who is only just "friend on mobile phone", that means someone who know sms on mobile phone, but could not talk much by mouth only!
I have known many people in my church & college.
They have let me realize that there are still many men around the world, there are still many good men outside my circle.
I started to quit Power Group because him.
Well, that was one of the reason.
I have been busy for Chinese Ministry, for OI functions. & I have my own church & cell group now.
If I want to sacrifice one of these to get my own free time, I would rather to choose Power Group because I was not belong to SCMC from the beginning. I joined Power Group because I could learn more, although our church is different with them.
I was invited to celebrate his 18th birthday.
It was my first time & last time (maybe) to celebrate his birthday with Power Group members & tutors.
I bought a cake for him.
It was not the first present for him, but it was the last (maybe).
I used a year to fall in love with him;
I spent a year to forget him;
I took another year to get revenge on him;
I felt pain when he hurt me; I cried on my own when he was not there for me anymore; I felt sad alone when I depressed……
I started to miss the days when we were good friends.
I missed his caring for me.
I missed his comfort.
I missed our conversations.
However, game was over.
New game is starting.
Goodbye, Xiao Zhi, whom I used to love.
