Belle Belle ≠ Bell Bell

2nd Christmas in HSG

1/04/2010 04:15:00 AM |

I was celebrating my 1-year-old birthday of Christian life on 14/12/2009.

I was celebrating my second Christmas in HSG.

I am going to have my second year in HSG.

Unlike last year, I have not known many friends so I did not received any presents except from Sam Chew.

This year, I was celebrating with my brothers & sisters. I have made so many friends in HSG & I needed to prepare so many presents (wow!). I never bought so many presents once before.

I went shopping straight away after I finished my final paper.

I have never been shopping for almost everyday non-stop before. & I have never spent so much money at once (wow, my pocket money all gone now). & I was playing truant for my piano class because of shopping (>.<''').

I felt so excited before Christmas was coming.

I never had this feeling before. Maybe because of I did not celebrate with friends before. Or maybe because of I was celebrating with my dear, darling, sweetheart brothers, honey sisters.

We were having Christmas OI on 20/12/2009.

I just finished remembering all the steps 3 days before. & I was not very familiar even though we have practiced it for many times.

Well, on that day on stage, I was messed up with everything because of nervous (=/)

I was not nervous at the beginning, but I was in a mess when I saw dear (lol, all blamed dear=/)

Through this OI function, I have known a magician——Lee Zhi Seng, who used to be our church member. He has performed a great magic show for us ( =) ).

& he wanna me to be his gf very obviously.

Well, although I want to have a bf, I would not have chosen him because of his strength——magic show. This type of relationship would not be last long (=P).

We were discussing to go skating in Sunway.

Due to we could not find any parking, we headed to Puchong for lunch (=/).

Well, we found 2 parkings at one time after 1 hour, but Jamie wasted it ( =( ).

Sam Chew have found a parking & they went for skating as what we have discussed before.

But, honey sisters & brother-in-law did not have the patient to go to the same place anymore after lunch.

& I have missed the chance to have dating with dear ( =( ).

At the same night, there was a celebration for youth at Ka Fun's church.

However, since I broke up with Xiao Zhi, no one would like to invite me to the celebration anymore, include Ka Fun. Although I have prepared presents for Power Group members, I could not get a way to give them.

I have been going to the celebration for 2 years.

I thought I would attend for third year. But, because of Xiao Zhi, I did not get invite by any people.

On silent night, I went to QiQi's church for countdown.

Thanks for QiQi's brother for fetching me ( =) ).

There were very crowded. I never see so many people in her church.

Young people from Puchong branch came too ( =) ). That was why I saw many new faces suddenly.

Some of them still could recognized me, since I did not go there for half a year. The pastor could not remember me anymore. He could remember me at that time I went to the church for few weeks continuous before.

The feast tasted not bad, some of them tasted bad. I did not manage to taste the sushi, it was finished before I took the food. Well, I can buy it at Jusco, not need to scramble with them.

Their dramas were very funny, exactly our Serdang Hakka people style (XP).

Because of too many people & it was already late, it was very crowded when exchanged presents.

Because I queued on very behind, I just a decoration of snowman for my present. It was not too bad, but it would be better if I could get Famous Amos cookies (XP).

I did not join dear, sweetheart brothers, honey sisters & Jamie Chew for Sunway trip. I heard they were going for movie & meals & came back at 2am. Went shopping was their main purpose, but I did not know why they changed their minds. & that was one of the reason why I did not get any present from dear ( =( ).

& I did not join Sam Chew & Winnie for having feast in Janet's house (I thought so).

I heard they were having a great fun.

On Christmas day, I had to bring so many presents to church, since there was no cell group on Wednesday.

Honey sisters wore so sexy (wow——).

My dress was same with Jes, but I was not as sexy as her, because I have worn a coat & short pants (XD).

I saw many familiar faces, Tara, Hannah, Chris & Jo Cheah, etc have come back from Australia.

I did not see them for a long time. But, Ivan did not come back. He told that he would come back.

However, Li-Anne, Saerah, etc have gone to Singapore for Christmas trip (so envy =P ).

We sat together & made a lot of noise until did not listen to pastor (XD).

We could even have fun at where we were sitting (=.=''').

We took a lot photo with the decorations on stage after the function.

Winnie's camera does not have a good stabilizer or she used wrong program, made all the pictures blur (>.<''').

DSLR camera is the best after all! Picturers that took Nath, Victor, Liang Xin clear & pretty ( =) ).

We went for lunch at OUG plaza after that, with dear, honey family, sweetheart brothers & sisters, mummy, & daddy's friends.

2 tables——1 table was for business, economic; the other table was for gossip (=.=''').

Well, I was enjoying my second Christmas with Chinese Cell Group members very much.

I received presents from people whom I never expect they would give me.

I love all the presents especially Yang's giraffe ( =) ).

Thanks for Auntie Sharon, for the beautiful casing;

Thanks for Samuel Chong's mom, for her bracelet;

Thanks for Mummy, for the angel;

Thanks Jasmine & Jeslyn, for their earrings & photos;

Thanks Jamie & Sam, for their Ferrero Rocher;

Thanks Winnie, for the purple bookmark;

Thanks Chiow Yee, for her earrings;

Thanks ThyThy, for his toothbrush holder;

Thanks Jo Ng, for the mobile phone hanger;

Thanks sweetheart Yang brother, for his lovely giraffe!!! I love that the most!!!

for Xiao Zhi：

Last Christmas I gave you my heart

But the very next day you gave it away

This year to save me from tears

I’ll give it to someone special

Once bitten and twice shy

I keep my distance

But you still catch my eyes

Tell me baby

Do u recognize me?

Well it’s been a year

It doesn’t surprise me

Merry Christmas

I wrapped it up and sent it

With a note saying I love you I meant it

Now I know what a fool I've been

But if you kiss me now

I know u'll fool me again

for dear：

a crowded room

friends with tired eyes

I'm hiding from you

and your soul of ice

oh my I thought you were someone to rely on

me?

I guess I was a shoulder to cry on

A face on a lover with a fire in his heart

A man under cover but you tore me apart

Ooh ~

now I‘ve found a real love you'll never fool me again

Last Christmas I gave you my heart

But the very next day you gave it away

This year to save me from tears

I’ll give it to someone special

A face on a lover with a fire in his heart

A man under cover but you tore me apart

Maybe next year

I'll give it to someone

I'll give it to someone special

Habit

1/02/2010 03:59:00 PM |

Did you know that, you have become my habit?

Did you know that, I have accustomed to your morning & night greetings?

Did you know that, how I feel unaccustomed when you stop sending messages to me?

Did you know that, you have distracted me successfully from everything I was doing at that moment?

Did you know that, I have been thinking of you during my final exams?

Did you know that, you almost made me to fall in love with you?

Did you ever notice that, how I felt mad, depressed, frustrated, envy just because of you?

"Little Star" has given me a nickname - twinkle, because he said I am cute ( =) ).

So, I named him as "Little Star" because of the song "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star".

& he is getting as shine as a star & made all my sisters, even my sweetheart brothers fancy him.

I could not remember that how I knew him at the beginning.

I started to notice him because he looked like Sam Chew's colleague, Khai Mun Chan. Both of them looked alike except height & both of them are majoring in IT.

We were in astonishment after Through The Roof 3, when he sang so high on stage, made us so amazed. & after that, we have started talking about him.

I still remembered that, he just knew my name when we were in the same apartment in the M.A.D. camp 2009.

There, we started our first conversation.

I met him in church often since after that. Maybe it was the beginning of our fate.

He used to comment on my facebook profile, but we never talk to each other on chatbox before, although we talked to each other in church.

Once, I was too over in replying him comment, he was kindly advise me. It was our first time to chat online.

I gave him my mobile phone number finally at the end of November & he started sending messages to me.

It has been lasted for a month.

We sent messages to each other from morning until night.

He started to join our Chinese gang's gathering often. He even celebrated ThyThy's birthday with us.

After 1 week, I started to doubt our relationship.

We have been sms-ing from day till night everyday.

I have asked opinions from few friends, & they gave me same answer except ThyThy.

After being patient for 2 weeks, I have got an answer from him.

Undoubtedly, my sixth sense was right - he likes me. But, he did not want me to be his couple at the moment. He wanted to start from beginning according to procedures.

Well, we sms-ing as usual from day to night everyday.

I was having sweet talk with him although I have forbidden him from using any sweet talk. He never knew that, I am too good at sweet talk since I have been by those words before.

However, our messages were decreasing every week. He talked lesser to me because he was getting to adapt to his work.

& I was a quiet person, I do not like to chat about people's private stuffs unless he/she talks to me by himself/herself.

& the other reason is, I learned to be careful for not getting hurt. I have learned that guy will not appreciate unless he pays a high price for it.

I have been creating opportunities for him to get closer to me.

Thanks to my honey sisters, for inviting him to join our lunch & supper & dating, we have chance to be together.

I was sitting next to him on purpose, & I was holding his arm on purpose.

& yet, as expected, he did not want me to do that.

He knew that, I have no love feeling to him;

He knew that, he is only my dear brother, since he joined our Chinese gang;

He knew that, how hard was I in communicating with him.

He should know that, we are 2 different kind of people, from 2 different era of world, it would be suffering for me to be together with him;

He should know that, we do not have common topic to break the ice;

He should know that, I am slow in doing things but not in relationship. I will not mind to give it a try in every relationship. & I am not afraid for being hurt because I can be stronger after being hurt.

Eventually, he has stopped greeting me for morning & night at sixth week. He has been being greeted me forcefully after a month.

His reason was, everything has gone too fast & he did not get well-prepared in starting a relationship.

Did you know that, how disappointed was I when you told that you just wanted to be friend with me only?

Did you know that, how disappointed was I when you told me that, every of your acts were just an act of a normal friend?

Did you know that, how disappointed was I, when you were not intend to be together with me?

If that was what you called you like me, you have disappointed me from the very beginning!
6 weeks, it was the best he could stand for me.

Did you know that I feel envy to Winnie, who always have topics to chat with you?
Did you know that I feel jealous to my future sister-in-law, who can be sit together with you?
Did you know that I am in bad mood when girls can approach to you while I cannot?

I Love Him

1/02/2010 03:54:00 PM |

He had been confessing his love to me for about 1 year.

& he still said "I love you" to me months ago.

I accepted his love at last, although he is younger than me.

He is caring;

He is kind;

He is considerate;

He is patient;

He is talented;

He is loving.

I was not sure why I accepted him. I had crush on him & a strong feeling towards him suddenly.

I missed him every moment everyday.

I was so looking forward to see him on Sunday.

But, he is just a young boy, without experience at all & never in relationship before.

He would not know, how much I suffering in missing him everyday;

He was not there whenever I needed him so much;

He paid more attention to his studies compared to me;

We could not get very close to each other. I could not hug him whenever I wanted. I could hold his hand only. Because of his parents, sister, coach, pastors, & because we were at church, we were together secretly.

However, he was disappointed me really much.

He just wanted to be friend with me after a week.

He did not want to be in relationship in his age.

He wanted to focus on his studied to fulfill his dream & ambition.

Maybe his parents discovered our relationship, or maybe his studies is much more than anything else, he chose to end our relationship before we even started.

We were 2 different kind of people totally, we were from 2 different era of world, we did not have topics to talk on conversation, we did not understand each other after all.

We could only just be friends. He could be my little brother only.

I missed his smile;

I missed his gentle;

I missed his warm;

I missed his consideration;

I missed his handsome while he is singing.

But, the last thing I could do, is only missing him.

I would not be hurt by same people twice;

I would not fall in love with same people twice;

I would not want to be together with same people twice.

Xiao Zhian, I would not say goodbye, because you did not know how to appreciate.

Time

1/02/2010 04:43:00 AM |

There was a guy who used to be a great friend for me.

He always there whenever I needed him - He would be there on time whenever I missed him much; he would be there whenever I thought of him; he could be there whenever I needed his comfort……

He is caring, loving, considerate for people.

I still could remember how we knew each other at the beginning.

We met in a camp, which Ka Fun invited us to go, where I knew Jesus Christ for my very first time, where I knew there were many people out of my circle, where I knew there were many people who were Christians around me……

Of course I noticed him, he was the friend of my group leader, he was with a gang of guys who always sticked together, & he was the smallest size among them.

Well, I was not sure why I found him so special. Maybe because of he was notable among them?

I got his msn address for sure (include others also).

(Hmmm……) I got his mobile phone number when he requested me to deleted his ugliest photo on my friendster album. Certainly I did not delete it, because I started to find him interesting & I want to continue to disturb him. (Well, at last, I closed my friendster account because of facebook is much more interesting =P )

We were sms & chatting through msn often. & we had become good friend after that. We were getting very close till his gang of friend & his tutor started to suspect our relationship. & if there were any activities or camp, he had become the one who invited me.

I went to the SCMC youth camp for twice. I was getting close to Methodist Church youth & Support Group, teachers & pastor. I was starting to get to know Jesus Christ.

After a year we knew each other, he invited me to join youth of SCMC. It was the time when I decided to go church with Sam Chew. So, when service in HSG finished, I would be going to SCMC youth. I was joining 2 churches at the same time. I knew nothing about church that time so I did not bother anything.

For sure, our relationship was getting ambiguous, uncertain. Sometimes, I thought that we were closer than good friend, but there was a distance to become couple.

I got his news from Ka Fun every week. Ka Fun had become the sources & intermediary between both of us. Whenever I bought sweets or souvenir, I would ask her to give him. I would asked her to pass the recipe that I lent for him from my school library (he was working as chef in a cafe when I was form 5).

At first, I found he was an interesting friend, a toy for me to play.

We sms almost every night but did not talk much when we saw each other.

Day by day, I felt we were more than good friend.

On the second year after I met him, on the badminton finals of Olympic, I told him that I liked him on an impulse.

Well, at that moment, I did not think much about it. I was the type of girl who worked on impulse & thought later. Everything I did, basically, followed my feeling & sixth sense of women.

I was wondering why I said that to him. I was not on crush on him. Wasn't I?

He did not give me an answer for that immediately, no matter how I forced him. & he had avoided me for few months. We had stop sms for months.

Since after that, I did not mention it anymore except to Ka Fun & QIQi & few friends.

I felt Ken Chan & Shane & Mango had noticed it, since they were his best friends after all.

As time past, we were good friend again. Sometimes, I could make this matter as joke to test him.

He started to share with me his feelings & his daily lives.

He was getting more caring towards me.

I was joining Power Group after I finished SPM because I had so much free time.

We met each other every week.

We went for drinks after meeting finished, he would be sitting there & listened to his music or talked to Ah Wong.

That time, he had changed his job into mechanic for air conditioner.

On September, he told that he liked me.

Finally, I got answer after a year.

But, it was already too late.

Everything has changed.

I would not let myself hurt by same person again;

I would not let myself to fall in love with someone who even did not know how to keep his promises;

I would not let myself to be together with a person who even did not know how to communicate with me by mouth;

I would not be together with a person who is only just "friend on mobile phone", that means someone who know sms on mobile phone, but could not talk much by mouth only!

I have known many people in my church & college.

They have let me realize that there are still many men around the world, there are still many good men outside my circle.

I started to quit Power Group because him.

Well, that was one of the reason.

I have been busy for Chinese Ministry, for OI functions. & I have my own church & cell group now.

If I want to sacrifice one of these to get my own free time, I would rather to choose Power Group because I was not belong to SCMC from the beginning. I joined Power Group because I could learn more, although our church is different with them.

I was invited to celebrate his 18th birthday.

It was my first time & last time (maybe) to celebrate his birthday with Power Group members & tutors.

I bought a cake for him.

It was not the first present for him, but it was the last (maybe).

I used a year to fall in love with him;

I spent a year to forget him;

I took another year to get revenge on him;

I felt pain when he hurt me; I cried on my own when he was not there for me anymore; I felt sad alone when I depressed……

I started to miss the days when we were good friends.

I missed his caring for me.

I missed his comfort.

I missed our conversations.

However, game was over.

New game is starting.

Goodbye, Xiao Zhi, whom I used to love.

Rev. Enoch Lam @ Nov 2009

1/02/2010 02:48:00 AM |

Rev. Enoch Lam is the greatest pastor I have ever seen.

He preaches with his own style which is much different compared to local pastors. He is very humour. His jokes are very lame, made people laugh non-stop.

He understands reality too well, he knows the society too clearly. Everything he talks about is actual fact that we didn't realize before. Well, maybe Hong Kong people are more reality compared to Malaysians.

It was the first time I went to his OI function.

It was really grand & prosperous, exactly looked like opera theater, there were normal seats & VIP seats, the LCD looked very clearly & modern.

It was my first time to see so many Christians under a roof. I never thought that there would be so many Christian families in Malaysia. I was so shocked & surprised.

The most surprising were, the artists of Malaysia (include radio DJ, singers, actors & actress) that we saw on tv everyday were Christians (WOW!). After all, they are the best channel to share gospel & give testimonies.

I love one of quotes from one artist - God does not need an artist, but artist needs God!

(WOW!!! Praise the Lord!)

Thanks to Jamie Jie bought the tickets for me to watch the Yeah Show.

Thanks to Jasmine Jie & Jeslyn Mei & Justin Go, Yang who joined us to watch the show.

Thanks to J Go who drove me home.

Thanks for everyone who had given me a great time. ( =) )

Belle Belle ≠ Bell Bell

Love is kind; Love is patient; Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

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2nd Christmas in HSG

Habit

I Love Him

Time

Rev. Enoch Lam @ Nov 2009

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